![]() ![]() There is still a bodily sensation somewhat comparable to anxiety, but it doesn’t give me the feeling of pressure and discomfort the way anxiety does. I don’t wish to be apathetic generally, but after emotional overwhelm, not experiencing much in terms of emotions feels very welcome. I feel a strange mix of apathy and contentedness, I guess because a lack of emotionality feels like quite a relief after a meltdown. What this feels like is a numbness both of the mind and the body. So there is a lack of processing, rather than a desperate attempt at processing a lot. Instead, it feels like I burned through my emotions.Īt this point, I will have trouble processing certain things, but no longer because the sensory or emotional information is too much for me, but because the emotional apparatus simply no longer works. What I mean by that is that I am no longer actively overwhelmed and out of control. In this state, I am also emotionally overwhelmed, but in a passive way. It feels terrible about not being in control of my emotions, and while I feel rational and justified during a meltdown, after the meltdown I realize how irrational I have been, how much I over-identified with my emotions, and how difficult of a situation I presented Natalie with (or whoever was in my path in the past).Īfter a meltdown, a shutdown often follows. I start to feel compassion for the other, and a lot of shame about my own behavior. At a certain point, I think my anxiety diminishes enough so that I connect more with my distress than with the injustice I feel is done to me and the subsequent anger I feel towards that person.Īt that point, I start crying rather than expressing anger. At first, I will loop on feelings of injustice and my anger. Generally, I will smoke cannabis, which helps me a lot. I get out of a meltdown by doing things that calm me. It makes me feel entitled to validation and compassion, which are things Natalie can’t necessarily offer me in such a state because generally when I am having a meltdown, she is having one as well. In terms of mental symptoms, I guess I feel like a grave injustice is being done unto me. I don’t necessarily notice my physical symptoms, however, both due to alexithymia as well as focusing so much on the emotional overwhelm that there isn’t any mindfulness about bodily sensations. I may experience stomach pain, and pressure on my chest. In terms of physical symptoms, during a meltdown I experience an extreme amount of anxiety. Although I can be verbally aggressive in this state, it all comes from fear. I have a lot of suppressed rage that often comes out during a meltdown. Although sometimes even that isn’t enough, as I first need to vent my anger. I become less rational and experience an excessive need for validation and compassion. Either way, when my childhood traumas come up, I can lose control over my emotions. It’s usually caused by anxiety and mental distress, but I found that when my sugar levels drop because I haven’t had protein in a while, that is a major contributor to my agitation and potential meltdowns. ![]() Sensory overload doesn’t lead to meltdowns for me. And in a dark room, there isn’t as much light coming into my eyes that needs to be processed, and we see less detail in the dark. As such, there is less to process, and I can breathe again. Outside, things are more distant, there is more openness, and a lot less detail. There isn’t so much going on mentally, except for a great desire to go outside, or to seclude myself in a dark room. I experience a headache, and when it really gets too much, I become nauseous and start sweating. What happens is that I see so much detail that I am quite literally getting sick. ![]() Yesterday Natalie and I stepped into a warehouse, and after half a minute I said, “I am already not feeling well. When I visit stores, the amount of visual information I process often gets to be too much. This post explores my experiences of several types of overwhelm relating to autism, and I have been told they are a good description of PTSD as well.Įither way, I hope it resonates and/or helps you put your own experiences into words. Since we necessarily only have one subjective frame of reference, it can be challenging to figure ourselves out. Sometimes it’s hard to find the words to describe our experiences, or even reach a sufficient level of awareness to begin putting it into words.
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